Why “DeepWater”?

Why “DeepWater”?

Could have been a lot of things… deep space, dark hole, huge mountain, black hole, whatever…

Had to think on it… memories I guess… where I learned I could, at bare minimum, survive.

I spoken on my past of being isolated and attempted sexual abuse by older boys in my neighborhood as a kid… but one of their favorites, come summertime, to keep me in check, in fear, was to nearly drown me in their pool any chance they got… not just bully like dunking… but hold you under until you go limp and throw up water kind of fun… I was 5, 6, 7 years old… also dog piled any opportunity as a unit of older kids… I was the runt, nuisance, in the way, not a part, not cool…

The rule the big kids had for me was “You can play until you cry… then go home”…

So how fast can we make the runt cry was a byproduct of their hanging out.

The day I learned no one was coming, I was across the street with the two older brothers that lived there (the eldest being the lead in attempting to abuse me)… I don’t remember what we were doing, but it got heated, I called them “dicks”, or something like that, and it was on… I ran my ass off out their front door, across the street, to my front yard, to see my mom lock the front door on me and get the beating of my life in my own front yard.

Guess she was tired of me coming home crying… she had no other tools for me.. other than “Shut up or learn to take it”… 

So I learned to let go in those moments, not letting go in the sense of giving up.. but letting go in fear of the pain or the outcome.. knowing I’d survive regardless of the pain… the pain of pressure, beating, abuse, false friendship, psychological terror… but I never allowed them to have what they wanted.. but I never shut up… and I never backed down… the alternative was to give into their dominance… wasn’t going to happen… don’t know why I had that fight in me, other than spitefully rising up and showing I could endure anything they dished out.

So I guess DeepWater… the willingness to know it may kill you… but to jump back in it every day… just to rise, then do it again, became a growing obsession with building the underdog… protecting the weak… becoming something harder to kill, and the ability to live and revel in the dark psychological spaces and places that most don’t see… so they don’t have to… to shine a light on the dark side of mankind that all possess… exploit it, and show how pitiful and weak the boisterous bully and criminal really is.

Until you give in to the pressure, the dark, the deep, the cold… and repeatedly return to the brink of having to decide whether you live, strive, and thrive… or die… you will never, ever know the joy of light on your skin and the smile on a loved one’s face, or a hug from someone who is truly happy to see you until you spend time in the DeepWater.

What we do here is find that place within ourselves that pushes that edge… the fringe of our greatest fears, pain, lack of air, burning lungs, wavering legs.. and rise above.

Again & Again & Again.

Find out who you are and aren’t… and who and what you truly want to be.

Let’s F’n GOOO!!!